Michael Patrick Dougherty

iPhone: Handy Light App Users

2010-07-22T03:11:00.002-04:00

Some 0f you are like me! You hate being stuck in a dark room...you always want to see everyone that is around you! Who wouldn't?

Well! Guess what? Some of us are in luck! One of the better flashlight apps went and added a secret ability to use the app to bring your laptop onto the internet! Because my thinking is...why have a flashlight if you can't use it to find a laptop...that can get online ANYWHERE?! :-)

1. Click your Airport menu and Create Wifi Network "Tether" on Mac

2. On iPhone connect to Wifi network "Tether"

3. Tap the blue arrow to the right of the network name to bring up settings.

4. Choose Static and manually set these settings:

---IP Address: 13.37.13.37

---Subnet Mask: 255.255.255.0

---leave the rest blank.

5. On Mac. Apple Menu>System Prefs>Network

6. Choose Airport (From the list of connections)

7. Click Advanced

8. Click Proxies tab

9. Check SOCKS PROXY

10. Set SOCKS Proxy Server: 13.37.13.37 & Port: 1337

11. Click OK

12. Click Apply

13. On iPhone make sure you're connected to y=

14. On iPhone open Handy Light

14. Tap BLUE, YELLOW, RED You will then see Purple to tell you its working.

15. Then tap the Upper Right-hand corner of the RED screen. If you don't do this…it won't work.

16. Open Safari and find your favorite porn site. (or any other website you wish).

***Realize that it may take a few minutes for your computer to assign itself an automatic IP address, So it may take a few tries before it kicks in. Be patient.

****Also keep in mind that this app IS NOT capable of running in the background. So if you choose to answer a text, make a call, etc…you will be disconnected from the internet. Keep this in mind. We will also likely never see an update to this software.

Music Biz Rambling Inspired by: Modest Mouse

2010-07-20T01:58:00.003-04:00

Are you ready for a little secret?

When I bought my special edition 180gram virgin vinyl edition of, "The Moon & Antarctica" by Modest Mouse...I had not ever heard one chord of it! On "record store day" I so desperately wanted to purchase a new LP. Especially because I had Matthew Spill and Dylan with me. I was not about to take them into MY stomping grounds....my Record Store...and not buy an LP! Not only did I NEED to get an LP but something cool, indie, and hip!

How else would they have known how awesome I am? Duh!

Now I am not a COMPLETE tool. I do like Modest Mouse. Like much of the world I was a listener of their more recent album entitled, "Good News for People Who Love Bad News". It was a great album. I also keep my iPhone at arms length and it told me that 'Antarctica' was very high rated! Even more so than "Good/Bad News'. So I wasn't completely going into a blind trap. Nor would I.

I bought the album...and as it turns out I love it. While I was irritated with myself for my motivation in buying that LP... I can't help but be thankful for that day because I feel like it took me back in time! When my mom was a youth...she had no internet. There was no iTunes to hear 30 sec clips of each song. You had a radio single (if you were lucky...). Then you either bought the record or you pussed out. Our digital age has turned us into a bunch if wimps. Record labels are so terrified nobody is going to buy an album that they post the entire fucking thing on Myspace a week before it comes out! The whole album!

Sure they take precautions so you won't download it. Plus we all know the hardcore fans are going to buy it anyway. But you completely destroy the element of people "taking a chance". Buying an album and not being thrilled with it barely exists anymore because our technology has spoiled us.

This practice has always irritated me. Plus my insistance for good quality music as caused me to swear off listening to "Myspace throttled bullshit versions' of albums. I either wait for the vinyl to be available...or I turn to torrents for a good version of the music to be available (note: I prefer the vinyl...).

I was very excited for "The Young Veins" debut album because of their roster. I heard not ONE SINGLE TRACK before release day. I pre-ordered the record and I loved it! I also loved the fact that I could go on the journey with that LP. The journey its creators had planned...I had full ability to take in all of its glory. No advertisements in between tracks...no limited quality...it was me and the LP. Stylus to vinyl. The way it should be.

Sure I could've found "The Leak" on MTV or something and heard it in advance but you know what? To me...'a leak' is taking a PISS. Nothing else.

I wish the music business would have some faith in us. If you do a good job letting us know who is in the band, and the DJs to their job playing it...we'll buy the shit. Spend a little effort getting a band on TV if you must. But only give us a tease!

Throwing shit on myspace is just begging for people to "listen and leave". I feel like as much as the music industry bitches about people stealing stuff...they are giving it away just as fast.

I call upon my peers to do your artists and their industry a favor right now...walk into your local record store...look around for something new and slap a $20 dollar bill on the counter! Pick something out that you have never heard before...but 'someone' told you it was good! Take a shot. If you don't like it....give it to someone who will! Or trade it in to a store that takes used merch.

We almost killed it all with Napster...the labels freaked and fucked it up even more...its up to us to throw the biz a bone. You dig?

Mixtape Monday: I am a Guest DJ! :-)

2010-07-19T11:05:00.008-04:00

My good friend Karen Lisa is a well respected and veteran blogger! In my eyes, she is a major pillar of the blogosphere! As part of her many contributions she puts out a weekly mixtape blog available online called, Mixtape Mondays!

Karen gave me the honor of being a Guest DJ! So I decided to check out all 73 (and counting) of my Vinyl Record Collection and create the mix using ONLY songs on records that I own. I would love for you all to read my article.

So please go and check out Mixtape Mondays: Vinyl Edition

I am adding a Special Edition Twelfth Track! Exclusive to my blog only!! After you check out the fist 11 tracks...add this one:

12. Its Still Rock & Roll To Me – Billy Joel [Greatest Hits Vol I & II] (The title of this song pretty much says it all. I had about 2 paragraphs of text typed in for this blurb...but I realize now that the title says it all. Great tune).

**Next week I will post my entire Mixtape in this entry.

So...You Want To Get Into Vinyl Records?

2010-07-15T00:59:00.004-04:00

Welcome to a Musical Journey!
I am very impressed at anyone who is interested in vinyl records. It is important for younger people like you to get involved!

An LP is more than just “getting some music”. Its an entire experience including and intermission and everything! Vinyl records can only fit 30 minutes of sound per side. So you have to flip the record over halfway through! Some people complain about this but it really adds a neat dimension to the album. Bands make a big deal out of picking which song will be “the first”. On CDs and iPhones there can only be one first song. But an LP is really like 2 musical experiences back to back! Back in the early days bands would often have very distinct differences between the sides. Nowadays people don’t do that any more since there is no difference between halves of an iTunes playlist! lol.

If you’re like me you may discover that you hear the songs toward the end of a CD much less often than the ones at the beginning. It just makes sense. The longer you listen the more chances of interruptions to make you stop listening. With an LP you can easily start on side 2 when you begin listening! The songs toward the end are much more accessible! You hear more of the music.

Hear With Your Eyes, Too!
Artwork is a huge draw for LPs! Because of the large size (12 inches), the record companies are able to add a ton of extra neat stuff! A lot of times the albums open up like a book to show really cool artwork! There is plenty of room for extra posters and books, etc. There is so much potential! A little CD jewel case is tiny. They tried to put booklets and stuff to entice people but it didn’t work. It was too small. Not enough room for COOL stuff!

I recently got the vinyl rerelease of “Give Up” by The Postal Service. Its one of my favorite albums of all times! It came out in 2003. Only recently they came out with the vinyl version. There is so much extra cool stuff it is mind blowing! First of all, its a double album! Record #1 has the entire album and record #2 includes b-sides and other versions of the songs. So cool! It also included a 16 page color booklet with all of the lyrics and paintings telling the story of each song. There is also a double sides poster that looks really neat! When I play the music I can look at all that stuff and it really takes me inside the music! Check out these photos from “The Postal Service” so you can see what i’m talking about.

Put Your Money Where Your Needle Is!
Record costs can be high or low depending on what you want. If you’re talking about brand new albums they are generally between $16-$20. Sometimes you’ll come across special editions and other things that can be closer to $30. But most of the time they are affordable. For me the most fun comes in the used vinyl! Almost all record stores carry a giant collection used records that are $1 (yes ONE DOLLAR) a piece! Most stores have THOUSANDS of them in stock, too. They aren’t always in the best condition….its random. Some are scratched so bad you can barely play it. But a lot of the time its in perfect shape. It just might not be a popular record. I picked up a James Taylor album for $1 a while back ago and it sounds perfectly pristine! The sleeve was all scratched and nasty though which is why it was so cheap. It still sounds great though! That is all that matters. You may come across $2 bins too. I see those a lot.

You’ll also find a used section of albums that are in better condition and more rare/popular. For an example I picked up Led Zeppelin #1 for $10 the other day. When I got Sgt Pepper it was $30. There are a lot of variables for the pricing ranging from physical condition to popularity of the album to timeframe of the release. A mono version of Sgt Pepper can be worth 4-5 times more than the stereo version. I have no clue why this is, mind you.

A Little Bit Special!
If you're like me...you may have musical tastes that aren't quite mainstream. You'll find that a lot of mainstays of indie rock that you wouldn't expect to find at Wal Mart...tend to be a normal component of the shelves of your favorite record store. However we all have our favorite bands that haven't had the pleasure of gracing the Total Request Live stage or been distributed to your favorite college radio stations.

Just because you don't see your favorite album on the shelves doesn't mean its a lost cause! Most of the time your neighborhood record store can special order an LP for you. I find that more often than not...I need to do this. Usually record stores have distributers and can find anything you need pretty quickly.

Here are my directions for getting ahold of an album. This usually works out to be the best route. The safest idea is to do all of these steps and go with the cheapest.

1. Record Store: Special Order. No matter how old of an album...this is always the best first choice. Much of the time the record stores can track down whatever you are looking for and save you a lot of the hard work. Plus you don't have to pay any shipping. I've found that much of the time the cost of a special order from a record store is about what you would pay on the web + shipping. This option has the least risk because you normally don't pay for the full product until its in. If what shows up is not what you want...just tell them 'nevermind. its wrong.' I find that the record stores are very good at locating hard to find items. Plus if you have made buddies with the staff there...they will always go the extra mile!

2. If the record store can't find anything...check the web stores! My personal favorite is (www.AuralExploits.com). I find they have the widest selection at lowest prices. But also check Amazon and whatever else Google recommends. There is a little more risk involved if you go with less popular sites (which often your only choice with records). I have ordered many from that site that I mentioned above. Google will help you establish the reputation of any site. There is also risk like in getting anything else online. You don't get to hold the final product until you've already paid for it and waited a while. Make sure your site has a good return system. I have had to return a record once because of a defect and Aural Exploits handled it very well. I was pleased.

3. As my dad calls it... "gar-Bay" or eBay! A lot of the time this is the only option for rare and out of print items. I have used this method and had good luck. I am not going to go over the risks of eBay as it is obvious. A lot of albums (especially by indie artists) are only around for a very short time. Once they are out of print...it can be years (if ever) before you will see a reprint. This may be your only hope.

4. The Band/Record Label. Duh. Often times bands and record labels have stores and sell vinyl versions of products. sometimes the only way to get a vinyl copy is through the band or label directly so always keep that in mind! Sometimes they sell so little of them that its not worth it to nationally release the LPs.

5. Best Buy / Wal Mart / BIg Chains, etc. They almost never have records. But they are getting more and more every day. The nice thing about the big stores is the prices are low. I got Abbey Road at Best Buy for $10. Its about $18 at my indie store for the same exact copy. Loss leader much?

Make Great Haste!!!
Vinyl is getting more common place...but we are still in a place where most vinyl albums by indie artists are only available for a short time. It takes more to press a record than to make a CD. So its not easy to "keep making them forever". My advice...if you come across a record of a (not super popular) band you love...and you know you're going to buy it some day...just get it now! Don't risk waiting. Especially if its right there in the flesh at your record store! That almost NEVER happens. Call it 'fate'.

I was planning on getting a double LP of 'Futures' by Jimmy Eat World. I saw it on AuralExploits and was all ready to buy it...but then I decided to wait a little bit. No real reason. I just figured I could get it any time. I was wrong. A few days later it went on backorder...now its just not available! Luckily my local store was able to make a few dozens phone calls and they found me a copy (that is on the way now...). But it cost me quite a bit more. Its one of my favorite albums. I knew I would buy it someday but I took the risk. I was lucky :-). I'm not saying buy every album you see. But if you find your favorite album that may be a pain to locate later...smack down your mastercard. Thank me later.

Digital Get Down!
No matter how much you spend on a record you are going to want to listen to it! Sometimes in your house….but sometimes on the go! One concern you may have (other than the fact that I just made an N-Sync reference) is, “Geez. If I buy a big old 12 inch LP…how am I going to listen to the music on my iPhone or iPod? I don’t want to have to buy it TWICE (once with the LP and again on iTunes). The geniuses at the record labels have fixed the problem! Its BRILLIANT, too!

Nowadays the record labels cram the magic of MP3s into your LP! What you get is a little card that comes with the record. You go to the band’s website (or iTunes) and type in that code and then download a FREE digital copy of the album (MP3s usually). That way you have it portable for your iPod, iPhone, etc. Its a genius idea because the only downside to vinyl is that it isn’t portable at all. You can’t pop a record in the CD player in the car. lol. People started buying the music on iTunes since digital music can be played anywhere. But nowadays with records…you get the digital copy, too! This doesn’t always happen. But most newer stuff includes it. Sometimes they even include a CD. When I got the new Jack’s Mannequin record they threw in a CD, too. It was cool.

Time To Spin!
Now that I have sold you on how wonderful vinyl is…you need to get a turntable!!! I can help you pick out a good one. ☺ Its a fun hobby! I know Best Buy has some great models that sound great for their price. They have ones that go over over $700 of course. lol But there are plenty of nice ones that are way more affordable. Around $150-$200 is around what you’d expect to pay for a good one that sounds good. These models actually have preamps built in (easy to hook up to speakers. The audio signal from a record player is very different than that of an iPod or even CD player. A device called a “preamp” converts the signal. Newer models have these built in. Mine was old. I had to spend money on a preamp.

Many of them have USB, too. This allows you you can plug it into the computer and import. Records are better quality than CDs so some people like to import that way. But, as I said, much of the time you’ll get MP3 versions for free.

There are 2 major classifications mechanical-wise. Direct Drive and Belt Drive. Direct drive means the electric motor is connected directly to the turntable! The Belt drive system works sort of like the chain for a bicycle. Direct Drive is the best! It often costs a little more…but it will make sure your record spins at the best speed and has a much less chance of breaking down in the future. Belt drive machines aren’t as precise. They’re cheap. lol

Here are some basic suggestions for turntables. If you'd like more details...send me a message.

Stanton USB Turntable $199 Here is my first choice for you. This is the best (mid range) one Best Buy offers. Very good sound quality. Respectable brand. It also has the USB connection and built in preamp system. This is also a direct drive (which means it is more powerful).

Numark USB Turntable $169 This is similar to the above one. Just a little cheaper. Its also a belt drive so it isn’t as good motor-wise.

I’ll keep my eye out for more and add them as I find. :P Usually you can find decent stuff in pawn shops, too. I got mine there for $80 and I love it!

The Sum of the Grooves!
Being a Vinyl record enthusiast is a fun way to add something different to your musical experience. It makes you a member of a somewhat small (yet constantly growing) community of people that really and truly love music. People wouldn't be into this hobby if they weren't really serious about it. Anybody can buy a CD at Wal Mart. But to take the time to search out and find a record...that takes love. A lot of us record people act like we love music more than "CD Players" (the people...not the devices...hehe). That isn't always the case...but hey! What good is being a part of a sub-culture if you can't practice a little superiority? (Kidding...)

I hope you enjoy yourself and discover new music through your hobby. So far I have found a few albums and artists I never would have given a chance had I not allowed the fact that a fellow "record player" had taken the time to special order it. The music was worth a little more effort. That makes all the difference in the world.

So lower your cartridge into the groove and hear what analog music has to offer. You'll be glad that you did.

Lazy Saturday with Dad

2010-05-08T09:17:00.004-04:00

Saturday was once a safe haven for a school-aged Michael Dougherty. The guarantee of relaxing on Saturday morning was as iron-clad as the sun coming up that very day.

Friday nights were parentally sanctioned late nights. At the tender age of 6 or 7 I would be able to force myself to stay awake to the unthinkably late hour of 10pm. It was just enough time to see ABC's "TGIF" comedy block to its end witness the beginning credits for a "Mission: Impossible" rerun before exhaustingly making my way from the living room to my bedroom. A deep thinker at an earlier age, I would often tell my parents Friday night's sleep was always the best because of my sheer level of fatigue. I was able to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow rendering me immune to the normal nightly nuisances. The intriguing sounds of my parents talking or my father's TV habits were unable to jar me in my weekly Friday induced coma.

I also slept soundly knowing what was in store for me when the sun rose. Saturday mornings were just about as sacred as the Friday nights that prepared me for them. I am one of the millions who can add "Saturday Morning Cartoons" to their list of treasured memories and pastimes. A wide array of animated bills awaited me on this morn. I would usually unearth myself from bed at the unglodly hour of 7am. When I was extremely young I would insist my parents awaken at this hour, as well. This was always met with a certain form of masked annoyance from good old Mom & Dad.

My favorite part of this Saturday morning ritual was the one thing I could always count on. You see...sometimes the occasional golf match or college football contest put my reruns of the Sonic the Hedgehog animated series at risk. However I had one certainty could never be hindered taken away. As frustrated as my dad was with my early morning wakeup calls...he always came out for just a little while. He'd grumblingly kick me out of their bedroom. I'd walk out of there with a huge smile on my face. While it may have appeared all was lost...I knew I was the victor!

I would go lie down on the couch having already pre-selected our TV program before the mission began: to watch the only cartoon I could never miss on Saturday. I would wait until I would smell the familiar sound of whatever aftershave my dad wore. "Move over!" I would then hear. Half asleep, my dad would cram right there on that couch and lie down next to me so we could watch a cartoon together. "Its about to start, "I would say. "It looks like a good one! Slimer gets kidnapped!" For it was time for our weekly episode of "The REAL Ghostbusters" animated series to begin.

Being enchanted by the Summer blockbuster film of only a few years prior, my dad & I loved the Ghostbusters. We would lie there together every saturday morning for 30 uninterrupted minutes of paranormal psychiatry at its best by the very best men in the business. Dr Peter Venkman and his team. While Dr Venkman was a paranormal psychiatrist...the therapy this morning ritual provided me with is beyond anything I've ever gotten in a shrink's office.

While dad would fall asleep occasionally throughout the show...I always knew he was still into it. At my young age I was still always thankful that my dad took this time to bond with me every Saturday morning. But now that I am adult and, like him, work an insane amount of hours to keep a household together...I am even more appreciative that he took his only day of sleeping in to spend it with his first-born son. I don't know if he was aware of how much those mornings meant to me...and still do. But they had a tremendous impact on the man I am today. A man who considers bonding with someone you love as the utmost priority in life.

Once the credits rolled up on Ghostbusters he would usually retreat into the bedroom for another hour of sleep. I was always perfectly okay with this, as I was very understanding of how hard he worked.

He could've slept all the way through each Saturday morning and nobody would fault him for it. But my dad recognized a unique opportunity to do something with his son that was very important to him. It was something that didn't require a bunch of money to be spent, tickets to be purchased or even special atire to be put on.

It was the simplicity of a man and his little boy watching a cartoon together. The simplicity of a young man getting to be at the center of attention of his hero. This ritual didn't require ANYTHING more than us...but it meant EVERYTHING to me. It still does.

We're both a lot older now and I figure we'd cause damage to most couches if we tried to lie across it. But I am extremely grateful to say that even though years have passed and life has continued to happen...I still get that feeling from my dad. Only nowadays it isn't from a cartoon. It can be in the form of a phone call, text message, hug, and sometimes even stern lecture. No matter the delivery, the bonding and love is there,

For this...I am eternally grateful. I love you, dad

For a good time....

2009-08-08T15:18:00.002-04:00

(if anyone doesn't understand how this works...you click the link. Then enter your phone number. Google will call you & then connect you to me.)

(if anyone doesn't understand how this works...you click the link. Then enter your phone number. Google will call you & then connect you to me.)

Miracle on Gillingham

2009-07-20T17:16:00.000-04:00

What became of paradise?

Reality...a dream.

Love unearthed from ashes

was bursting at the seam.

Companionship discovered

Lovers all the way

Friendship first, then soulmates

What did we always say?

Chorus:

A miracle on Gillingham, As Canaveral launched the sky

The Central Florida moonlight, ignited you and I

Several years of longing, delivered now in bliss...

In what I'd learn to treasure as the world's perfect kiss

The heart doesn't know zoning

A fact I've often fought

Believe in our connection

Right now its all we got

I still can feel your heartbeat

Im closer than it seems

Despite my self destruction

You've never left my dreams

Chorus:

A miracle on Gillingham, As Canaveral launched the sky

The Central Florida moonlight, ignited you and I

Several years of longing, delivered now in bliss...

In what I'd learn to treasure as the world's perfect kiss

From Georgia to the Ocean,

I see you at my side

Some things should be forever,

despite chemical pride.

Never forget that moment,

right when you kissed me back.

As long as we can feel it,

We'll always have a chance

2009-07-11T16:02:00.001-04:00

While I might not always talk about it...these eyes notice just about everything.

2009-07-11T13:57:00.003-04:00

I'm forcing myself to write this blog right now. Well, I suppose 'force' is a bit of a strong word. I am encouraging myself to write this blog! Is that better?

I've decided to watch the first season of the Sopranos again. I'll likely continue through the entire series. Its an interesting choice for me for very deep reasons. When I was at the deepest time of my drug use, I happened to be watching this series. I downloaded the entire series and watched it last summer. The difference between last summer and now is that now I'm free of any chemicals. Last summer I still had a lot of pain in my leg from my injury so I was taking the painkillers pretty strongly. I was unaware that I was traveling down a slippery slope.

Now I've gone through the slippery shit and things are going pretty well. So for me to watch the Sopranos and be able to absorb everything without distraction is a nice victory dance of sorts. I know I still have a ways to go in the long run but this feels pretty damn good.

At first I was nervous, you know? I was concerned this would bring back some bad memories or create a primal urge for past demons. But nothing like that transpired at all. Everything is feeling pretty nice.

I sort of miss being able to crack open a cold Coca Cola, however. My current living situation prevents me from keeping such treats in the refrigerator as my roommates are unable to keep themselves from cracking the cans open and sucking down the sugary goodness.

Bastards.

I love how almost every blog post contains me bitching about my living situation. Great, eh?

The unbreakable king of analogies

2009-07-10T01:28:00.003-04:00

I'm watching the movie, "Unbreakable". I'm reminded of my song "Superhero". That song was always one of my very favorites that I've ever written. A lot of that song has to do with ideals in that film. The story of a man with something missing from his life...and he needs to find it. It turns out that he has abilities most other men don't making him a hero.

Sometimes I feel like that in certain ways. While I don't possess super powers of any kind, I feel like there are things I can do that many others don't. I feel like I have a gift of sensitivity of sorts. I've always been really good at being able to feel other people's emotions and understand what they're feeling. I've always loved having that gift. In an argument or disagreement I can put myself into the other person's shoes to understand what they're thinking.

Sometimes I feel like it is a power that is quite super. A lot of people I've met in life can't imagine someone else's opinion or thought. It baffles me. Part of my gift is that I understand people and can think of what needs to be said for them to understand the situation. People I know always joke that I am the "King of analogies". That is a good way of putting it, I suppose.

The problem with all of this is that I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve. Its a lot easier for someone to hurt my feelings than it might be for most people. Lots of people say little mean remarks when they're angry. My problem is I can't help but take everything to heart. When someone that I care about says something that hurts my feelings I just can't comprehend how they could do something like that. I know its partially hypocritical because I know I hurt people in life, too.

Cruel people use this against me to try and win an argument. But part of growing up weighing over 400 lbs has taught me to block out unintelligent banter. My whole life was full of people making fun of me and trying to make me hate myself more. These things bounce right off of me because they are coming from people that I care nothing about.

I wish I had the power to shut all of my emotions off with a kill switch. But I don't.

Revenge!

2009-07-10T00:25:00.001-04:00

My roommates are fighting because they ate eachother's food. They are screaming at eachother. I've never felt more joyous in my life!! :-)

Oh God I am loving this. They fuck eachother over, too. That is the problem living with animals. One of them is out of bread and screaming at the other. The other was going to buy bread but needed money for cigarettes, it seems.

I love this. It feel so good to hear yelling that is not coming out of my mouth! hahaha

LRE is a joke.

2009-07-09T16:10:00.000-04:00

I hate where I live. Every day it gets a little bit worse. Each morning I wake up here I feel like another little part of me has died. A fraction of my spirit has withered to lifelessness. I'm miserable, cold, and alone. The fact that other people are around means nothing as I am their pawn.

I'm there purely to be used. Both for entertainment and nourishment. Regardless of my taped up notes, name labels, and teary begging...they have every right to eat and drink anything and everything I buy. The mommys & daddys that pay for them to sit around all day long so they don't have to work...seem to have some deal in place. Not only can their spoiled children take up space in society and do nothing to contribute...they are allowed to disrespect and consume what others have worked so hart to provide for themselves.

I've been lucky to have lots of help from my parents over the years. But I still always worked and worked hard. I never just sat around and took up space like they do.

But I suppose they need the extra time. When else could they plan ways to fuck with me and ruin whatever time off I have from working? The other night I had the fun of trying to go to bed early beofre waking at 4am from work. But of course this just can't be allowed. I was treated to a few hours of them tossing a speakerphone into my bedroom after dialing some 900 number gross sex line. Then they'd run and hide. I begged them to stop and let me sleep, but they wouldn't. They did it continuously until they finally got bored of it. Eventually I managed to fall into a teary sleep. I get a lot of those nowadays.

Last night I came home from picking my dad up at the airport to find the front door chained closed from the inside. Apparently the plan was for them to sit down and watch me try to jimmy the windows open to get into the apartment. Once I finally made entry they were going to jump out to "scare me". Mind you this was about 1am. I had been awake since the wee early morning because I was working much of the day. Lucky for me I just beat on the door so they'd let me in. They unlocked the chain but ran to hide after that. Shockingly they jumped out from behind a wall to startle me. They're such winners, aren't they?

I don't keep any drinks in the house anymore because they drink them all. Despite me begging them not to...they do it anyway. Despite the owner of the house telling them not to...they do it anyway. I also have stopped buying groceries. They eat all of that too. It doesn't matter whos name is on it. There isn't really any question as to whos food it is because they little bit of money they come in contact with goes directly to cigarettes and PlayStation 3 games. It must be Mikey's...and fuck him. We eat and drink whatever we want.

I also have stopped buying groceries. The only small amount of food I buy has to fit in my breifcase because I need to be able to lock it up. No meats or veggies. Nothing frozen. Milk has to be a loss leader for me. I buy it cheaply from Wal Mart but I have to keep it in the fridge. Most of it is gone in about 2 days. Sometimes I even get a glass all to myself, can you believe it?

The owner of the halfwayhouse, Recovery First Inc, doesn't seem to give 2 shits. This place is a joke as far as a halfway house goes. The whole idea is to work and get a job and get life back together. All recovery first has is a huge cash cow where they can collect $200 / week from each child and do a little babysitting for a few months. Then once the parents falsely believe that everyhting is okay, the little bastards get to hit the 'real world' where they can go out and instantly relapse because they get NO EXPERIENCE of what the world is like in their halfway house.

So here I am. Broke, hungry, and depressed. The funny thing is...using doesn't even come into my mind right now. As much as I hate everything about my life and pray for the curtain call...I have no drug urges or anything like that.

The only thing I long for nowadays...is releif. Take that however you choose to take it.

Back to the Blog

2009-07-09T00:56:00.002-04:00

Will this last? I keep telling myself that I'm going to be an active and thought provoking blogger that people will flock to every day to read whatever musings are dancing around in my freshly waxed head (yes I use crystal wax on my do).

Life is going __________. On some fronts you can add the word "great" into the blank space. But on other fronts you can insert the word "shitty".

I feel like my entire life got away from me, that I pissed all of it away. But then I think a little bit more and wonder what was so great about my life before I got involved with the Vicodin? I can tell you I was much happier thats for sure. I was in love. I sure miss that.

I miss people trusting me automatically instead of assuming the worst. I get this little rash on the right side of my nose. It usually comes from stress (which I can assure you I've had no shortage of lately). I also would sometimes get the rash when I was taking the aforementioned Vicodin. When my father sees the rash he immediately gets cold and vacant. He's been gone for two weeks and today I picked him up from the airport. Sadly my rash is slightly visible and he wouldn't say a word the whole drive home. He just stared at me in disgust. I offered to take a drug test. He didn't say anything back.

This happened a few weeks ago before they left. My rash showed up and he freaked out. I offered to take a drug test. We bought one, I peed, and everything was squeaky clean. I live in a community where I get randomly drug tested at least once a week if not more anyway.

The bottom line is that I'm done with the shit anyway. I completely understand that you shouldn't believe an addict when they say that, and that is fine. But I am saying it anyway for my own benefit. It has become clear to me that there is no way I can survive in life while using any narcotics. I have no urges any more. Frankly they terrify me. I have a great sponsor and I work a great program.

Sadly the only person who can know all of this for sure, is me. But it seems that my word isn't worth a quarter teaspoon of dog shit. I completely understand why. I just don't have to like it.

I will not give up!

2009-02-16T18:03:00.001-05:00

I cannot neglect my blog, damn it!

I am soooooo gone!

2009-02-07T15:40:00.002-05:00

For those of you lucky enough to hear me bitch and complain about where I've been living lately, you know that I've been less than happy with the arrangements.

Guess what?! I've moved! That's right! I am now in "The LRE". The place I was originally supposed to move to that I talked about in the video. I spoke to Beth (the lady in charge here) and she offered me a bed!

I now live in amazingly beautiful apartment in a really really nice community! I also am roommates with the other 3 guys I was supposed to be living with before. Plus there about 15 other people I was in treatment with that live in this community as well.

Everything has come full circle and I couldn't be more excited!

Brrrrrr 2

2009-02-04T08:17:00.001-05:00

GeoTagged, [N26.08743, E80.21017]

Brrr

2009-02-04T08:13:00.001-05:00

If my roommate turns off the heat when he leaves in the am one more time, we'z gonna have words. Angry words! As soon as my frostbite subsides that shit is coming back on!

Solution

2009-02-02T17:56:00.001-05:00

I have a great idea in the works. It's something that I can have my recovery and give back to my family at the same time. Everyone pray!

Woooops!

2009-02-02T11:04:00.002-05:00

Heart Pouring

2009-02-02T01:15:00.001-05:00

Tonight I recorded a 30 minute video telling the story of the last few months. It was emotional for me. As soon as it uploads it'll be posted here.

For now here is a current picture!

Totally didn't mean to post this!

2009-01-29T13:56:00.001-05:00

But blogger won't let me delete it.

Pizza Time!

2009-01-29T00:07:00.001-05:00

GeoTagged, [N26.08743, E80.21022]

I love the shifty but delicious tostino's party pizzas. I added extra cheese as you can see in the photo. It ended up burning so all of the cheese slices are black & burned. LOL woops!

Night air

2009-01-28T23:16:00.001-05:00

Tonight is a beautiful night in fort lauderdale. Perfect temperature, and the sound of crickets in the background. I'm so grateful to e alive and able to enjoy simple things like this.

My current vehicle!

2009-01-28T13:58:00.001-05:00

GeoTagged, [N26.12150, E80.20026]

Gets great milage but my legs hurt.

Bus rider!

2009-01-27T16:55:00.001-05:00

GeoTagged, [N26.08295, E80.20356]

That's my bike on the neat bus bike rack! Public transportation rocks (sometimes)!

No endo!

2009-01-27T15:14:00.001-05:00

It turns out the doctor doesn't want me to have another endoscopy yet. He wants to review my records from Memorial Reigonal first. So my mom and I went ad got them. I also got my MRI brainscan video burned on a DVD!

I'm totally going to try and post it!

Home Sweet Clinic

2009-01-27T08:47:00.001-05:00

GeoTagged, [N26.07249, E80.37202]

Back to Cleveland

2009-01-27T08:37:00.001-05:00

GeoTagged, [N26.11054, E80.29467]

Clinic that is. It turns out I have to have my third endoscopy in as many weeks. I had a nasty ulcer that I'll explain in the long post I keep threatening to make!

Enjoy this picture of I-595 in the morning.

Ghetto Kittens

2009-01-27T03:57:00.001-05:00

GeoTagged, [N26.08754, E80.21066]

Check out the stray kittens that live on my back porch. Well, one of them anyway. Super cute but really unpredictable. Living outside has screwed them up mentally. Maybe it's this neighborhood. it's sure freakin me out.

Insomnia

2009-01-27T01:37:00.001-05:00

I can't sleep! This is not good. Grrrr.

It's me!

2009-01-26T23:27:00.001-05:00

GeoTagged, [N26.08754, E80.21066]

Sexy! This is my smug smile after laughing @ my roommate Nick after he tried drinking milk from a rotten coconut. LOL idiot!

iPhone Test

2009-01-26T20:18:00.001-05:00

Let's see if I can post from my iconic cell phone!

The Very First Post

2009-01-26T19:54:00.001-05:00

This is my first post to this blog. Primarily my reasoning for doing this is to test out Blogger's functionality. I also want to see how my template looks.

Soon I'll post the first "Real Post". That'll be exciting.